I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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