btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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