Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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