Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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