It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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