my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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