I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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