someone threw a dead crab at me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize