I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I believe in your delicious
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize