i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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