new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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