his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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