ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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