Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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