i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize