This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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