he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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