I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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