my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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