Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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