I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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