Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize