ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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