Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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