Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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