When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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