chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize