I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize