I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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