You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize