Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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