He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize