YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When are your genitals available?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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