i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
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Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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