So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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