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4 words: hood of his car
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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