Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize