they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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