You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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