You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
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Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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