Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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