btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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