You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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