I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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