I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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