3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize