That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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