dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize