Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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