Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize